long road to ruin - story of a man.

I’ve been longing for this hat for a while now. It’s been really bugging me cos I haven’t found the right one. now that I finally have, it’s awesome. hopefully I wont get too wound up about it, and if I do, you all have my permission to stop me.

today was a normal saturday. workday. it was nice to see, that I still got the touch. though my views regarding medicine and nursing are different from what they were a year ago, I still got it. just different. I feel like I’m closer to medicine than nursing. the logic with one thing being wrong, showing up in 10000 ways, finding out the problem and solving the issues regarding the sickness, this feels comforting. maybe the nurse in me forces me to see the patient as one individual at a time, including the human factor in the formula. bazinga.

next week I’ll begin my preparing studies for med-school. I know that there are 1000 people who are smarter than me. well okay, maybe like 10, but anyways, they have better odds than me getting in. however I feel like my tactic will be glorious and I will prevail! my scheme is that I have the first hand images of the human anatomy, I’ve seen the things that drugs can affect people and most importantly, I know I want this more than ever. now is the time to rise, and rise again until the lamb becomes the lion. I believe that everything in life can be acchieved by hard work. a lesson I’ve learned resently. life is a cruel teacher, but an honest one.

tomorrow we’ll go to my mother-in-law for a dinner, awesome. she really can cook great food and I get the day off. maybe some fishing tomorrow maybe? hopefully so.

peace out.

it’s been a very intresting few months, a lot has happened. those who’ve bothered to read this blog, know that I intend to become a doctor, that includes loads of studying and some luck getting in to med school. the other thing that has been growing, is next summer.

I’ve always wanted to visit norway. it’s a beutiful country and it has awesome fishing opportunities. now, I talked to a friend about my dreams and he was in. I’m trying to get a group together and next year we’re heading to norway, and hopefully get the fish of a lifetime. atleast the trip would be legen - wait for it - dary! a week away from everything, just with the guys and open water. I promise that after that kinda trip, I’d be fully rested for a year or so. or then I’ll move to norway.

tomorrow starts a new week. school begins again on tuesday. then we start learning how to save lives again. been missing a certain routine for a while now. days just seem to fly by without them. but the sun will shine again. can’t rain all the time.

peace out.

-chuck-

on jännä miten tietyt asiat unohtuvat. jäävät tavallaan taka-alalle elämässä. eilen illalla olin lenkillä linuksen kanssa ja tajusin kuinka tärkeä asia luonto on itselle. auringonlaskun aikaan meren rannalla ja metsässä. silmä ja mieli lepäsivät toden teolla. jälleen kerran olisi ollut kameralle käyttöä, mutta onneksi nuo kuvat säilyvät mielessä - ainakin sen vähän aikaa.

aika jatkaa kulkuaan ja väistämättä tulee se hetki jolloin pitää palata koulun penkille. tätä itseasiassa odotankin jo innolla. hommat jäivät tosi pahasti kesken keväällä. polvi ja selkä kun reistailivat niin ajoittain kävi jo mielessä jättää koko leikki kesken. onneksi kesän aikana omat haaveet ja suunnitelmat elämästä ovat selvinneet ja koulua jatketaan. toivottavasti tämän nykyisen koulutuksen jälkeen tulee vihdoin eräältä tamperelaiselta tiedekunnalta kirje, jossa minut toivotetaan tervetulleeksi siihen ammattiin, mihin uskon että minussa on potentiaalia. tuleva sysky tarkoittaakin mielettömän määrän opiskelua, harjoittelua ja uusien ja vanhojen asioiden täydellistä ymmärtämistä. mutta se kaikki on tervetullutta. ne ovat niitä pieniä askelia, jotka täytyy vain ottaa saavuttaakseni tavoitteeni ja unelmani. joka ikinen asia mitä teen nyt tulevaisuudessa tähtää siihen, että saavutan täyden potentiaalini.

oman elämäni arkkitehtinä olen laatinut miljoonia suunnitelmia siitä, mitä tulee taphtumaan - mihin pisteeseen haluan päätyä. kuitenkin nuo miljoonat tarinat ja kuvat ovat hävinneet ja jäljelle ovat jääneet vain raamit, minkä sisään piirrän oman sielunkuvani. itseni. meidät.

this weekend we didn’t enjoy the silence, quite the opposite. it was the time of the year that our sleepy town stood up, and took a bow for rock’n'roll. our own rockfestival was back in town. although the preformers were mostly from the pop/rap-scene, there were a few jewels that we enjoyed. a friend ouf ours got the VIP pass for me and the misses so we enjoyed the weekend in the BIG style.

now it’s sunday and silence has fallen. in the sleepy town of kokkola there wasn’t a single person out an hour ago when I was out with linus. maybe they’re feeling a bit hangoverish. I gotta say that although I understand that every now and then it’s only a good thing to let loose and so on, but when it comes to music, I don’t understand the people who drink to that point when they soil themselves. I personally want to enjoy the show, and especially remember it the following day.

next week we’ll be off to haven city again. gonna take a cruise to sweden and back. just me and the missess. that’s going to be a kick-ass weekend.  maybe I’ll enjoy a few vesper martinis because I’m going to suit up and make to suit look good.

over and out.

-c-

well the damn back is broken again. slipped a disc. after I get better, I promise I’ll start working out again. scouts honour. allthough never been to the scouts, but I hear they are men with a certain standard of decency. unlike me. muhaha.

today has been a fast day for me. thanks to my 30min nap. which turned out to be 120min nap. then I woke up to a vuvuzela. to a freaking VUVUZELA! can you believe it? this weekend we have this soccer cup here in our hometown and the center field is cross the road from our appartment. annyoment guaranteed.

this evening we’re going to go out for a dinner with a friend of ours. the guy from haven city. waiting forward to it. something to cheer me up because this whole thing with my back is kinda of a downer. but one musnt’t fall into the dark side over this. as long as we have rock - we’ll be okay.

ps. check out: sparzanza - my world of sin.

peace out!

WARNING!

the following has no point. thanks for your time wasted.

“sometimes I watch the world. I see it’s beauty, I feel it’s passion. I can feel.”

this is truly a mad world we live in. we persue to live our full potential, but we fail. why? is the weight of the world too much for us to bear? sometimes I feel like whatever I do, whatever I think I cannot stop the wheels from turning, I’m unable to break away from the cycle. everyday is exactly the same and I can’t reach what I’m aiming for. sometime all you need is a break.

happiness. a word that has a million meanings. even more. the pursuit of happiness is what drives us further. we all want to find the things that make us happy. so why do we linger on the small things. for me happiness comes from various things. being able to see my girlfriend in the morning when all she wants to do is sleep for 5 more minutes. see the excitment of our dog when I come home. I could say I’m the luckiest guy in the world. the small things adding up brings me joy. these small things have brought me to see that I’m worthy of something.

still I feel that I and us all shoudl give more. the world is full of so many things that are wrong. If we all could make one person feel happiness for a small moment every now and then, maybe we’d all be heading or a better future. what do you think?

is this just one hippy talking or do I have a point - leave a comment.

walks out a new man. the summer has done a great deal for me. a lot of big decisions have been made, after months and months of planning finally I can see a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. this is just the thing I need for now.

my thesis went to the trashcan, but I’m working on a new, better project that will kick ass. I promise you that. school has lost it’s intrest on me. or is it the other way around? don’t know, but for the time being I think it’s better that we don’t think about each other.

last weekend I went to haven city. the weekend was perfect. first me and my sideshow-bob took a bottle of wine and headed into the town and we tasted the wine, enjoyed the view and especially the wine. ah. 10 hours and six or seven bars later, I found myself lying on a bed with a mindblowing headache, along with the precious memories of last night. or atleast what were left of them. it felt good to unwind and let the beast out. rock and roll baby, haven city…

now as I write this I’m cooking some nice dinner along with the dog. he’s the man, really. have to go and get the missess from work soon and then we can enjoy a nice dinner together.

to all of you who’ve been reading this blog: my sincere apologies for not writing for a while. that’s all changed. this is the new me.

it maybe a long road to ruin - let’s put the pedal to the metal!

peace out!

finally some clarity. the knee is busted again, but it doesn’t bother me that much anymore. when limping on with the help of a walking stick, resembling of a one famous tv-doctor, who also has a busted leg and loves sarcasm more than anything - I figured out that I’ll try to reach my full potential, I’m trying to get into med school. and who knows - maybe I’ll be dr. Greg House in a few years.

while working in the operation room, I got comments that I was acting out like a professional and was so focused. I realized then that I was in pain, and was only focused on what I was doing. does pain make me a better man? does it push me to my full potential? who knows, all I know is that in that moment my hands were doing one thing, whilst I my mind was fixated on the next thing to do. and also it was quite calming. guess that’s thanks for the pain.

now the couple next weeks I’ll be limping forward like an old man. after that, I’m gonna go back to the familiar job. but I think I’ve changed. evolved, if you may. the last time I did that job I was just an apprentice, now I feel like I’ve moved on from that. my point of view in nursing is quite different from my other colleagues. I look at patient through a window of medicine. a science. all my teachers have been giving me a hard time of it, I should be more intrested in the patients well-being than the actual problem. if I know the actual problem and the way to fixing it, doesn’t that mean that I’m a part of the solution? am I not working for the patient’s best intrest? of course I have to think about the patient, but if I’m able to perform actions that erase the problem doesn’t it mean that the patient will feel better, ergo his/hers well-being will improve? I don’t know if this is just gibberish, but that’s the way that I see it. maybe I should go and meet my “peers” and try out in med school.

game’s set - let’s play.

there are times when you come into a crossroad. then you have to make a choice. left or right - south or north. when you choose a million times, you either get tired of choosing or you get good at it and know your way to go. I’m at crossroad right now. time will tell which way my path land on.

soon it’ll be summer. I’m going to work most of the summer. still have to spare some time for the family and for myself. I enjoy silence. it calms me down. my mind can run free when I’m surrounded by it. at our summer cabin there are two times when this happens. just before nature falls asleep and just moments before it awakens. it’s almost majestic. just waiting for it to happen again. to be there, to be one with silence.

last summer we didn’t go to the cabin that much. this year it’ll be all different.

theme of the night: sauna, beer and sausage.

today we went to our summer cabin. it was great. it’s one of the few places where my mind can be at ease and the body can just relax. we were thinking of going there next weekend, but unfortunately the water isn’t running currently, so we’re moving our plans ahead for a week.

we went also cycling with linda. after our stroll, I decided to go on a little further, and then I heard a snap. the damn knee again. now it started to swell. I’m thinking of seeing the doc again tomorrow. but I still  wonder wether it’d make a difference or not. my knee has been busted for 8 years now. no cure hasn’t been found yet, although they’ve operated on it a couple of times. maybe the third time is the charm. somehow I just don’t believe in it. maybe it’s just meant to be. who knows. life is known to be a bitch.